Flow Through
I’m three-ish months in with no ADHD meds. It hasn’t been fun. I feel like part of my brain is missing. I’ve had to make quite a few accommodations for myself. Allow myself to be slower. To feel listless and remote. Quiet. Small. I don’t trust myself so much. I am a little fearful of big, out of control emotions getting the better of me.
Yet, I am finding the throughway. Regardless of how tight and restrictive it feels. A few weeks ago, I started taking a few supplements in a desperate bid to stave off the heavy brain fog as well as getting myself in a better headspace before the clocks change at the end of this month.
That seems to have been a good move and I’m settling into a nice routine where I’ve been losing myself in reading The Stormlight Archive, listening to music and watching slow-paced existentialist movies in the ebbing evenings.
It feels safe and cosy.
I feel that should always be my goal. Sustaining this peaceful existence is work. In so much as it’s practice. Being mindful of peace as the end goal.
Out of this comes creative shoots. I have an album in the can, Nothing Inside But Wires, that I’m putting out on Halloween. It’s a collection of pieces from over the year and I’m really proud of it. It certainly has the spook running through it. As does all my work if I’m honest.
Slowly but surely, DRMZNE is getting to where it needs to be. I have two minutes of episode 14 to finish. WIth the very daunting 9 minutes of the very final episode yet to be started. Of course, I wish I could click my fingers and it all be done. That’s all part of the process, isn’t it?
Journey before destination.
Funnily enough, that is a part of a series of tenants from The Stormlight Archive. It made me laugh when I realised that it was a repeated phrase in the many thousands of pages that series consists of. As if the universe was really deciding to hammer home a point. As it always does. As it always will.
The world is there for me to listen to. The world is there for me to learn from. I simply have to honour my senses and not get too caught up in existing. Allow myself to be. Flow.
Speak soon,
Jon xxx